****GUEST BLOG**** Cunneries and Lloyds, Badger..... by Sumo

As I've not been around for a couple of weeks, John has kindly agreed to keep you all informed as to the events of the latest matches.

Lingmere. 13/3/16
1 Paul Cargill 38lb 05oz
2 Buck Rogers 35lb 01oz
3 Lee Pickup 31lb 11oz
Section winners: Dave Edwards, Derek Warren, Dennis Jones, Harry Simpson


Cunneries, 20/3/16
Things boded well for our 19 intrepid travellers, with recent good weather, and the promise of spring in the light warm(ish) wind. The elderly amongst us have more experience of this unsettled time of year and know what a kick in the balls it can give you, especially with a full moon shining down through clear skies the night before.
The day started with embarrassment for the Cookie Monster (AKA as George Clooney following the acid attack and a good kicking in the face). He turned up in his Vauxhall Airport Taxi and parked like a twat, taking up 4 normal spaces. After a quiet word from the fishery owner, along the lines of "park that piece of shit properly dickhead" he obliged and we went into the café and enjoyed the usual full breakfast and pre-match banter / delusional dreams.
Now here's a funny thing, I won the lowest weight section with 9lb 14oz and from what I could see from my peg, the place had fished crap. I even held that same opinion having followed the scales around. Looking back at the results as I write this, the place actually fished very well, with the usual couple of (supposed) flyers doing the business but over 425lb of fish being caught. OK they were 'balled up' on some pegs but that's the same with most fisheries at the moment.
Winner overall was Dennis (fuck off, I AM standing up) Jones, with a brilliant 64lb 12oz. I would like to tell you how he caught that much, but I didn't know I was going to have to write this up, so I didn't interview him at the end. I'm sure some hooks and bait were involved somewhere though.
Second overall was Tony Wilson (no, not that sad git from the Hacienda / Granada TV) with 58-14. A great weight on the day.
Third went to Les (the Munchkin) Thompson with 45lb 08oz. A truly outstanding performance from Dorothy's friend.
Other sections went to Fuck All Rogers, who for once told the truth, weighing in 13lb 02oz, and Andy Lawton, who stopped polishing Dirk's silverware long enough to catch a well deserved 26lb 01oz.

**BINGO!! Despite Sumo's memory loss, I notice on the results sheet that Phil House won his first section with the club and his magnificent 31lb 06oz was enough to get into the 20lb challenge too. Well done Housey.

Lloyds, Badger, 27/3/16
This place really is an enigma wrapped up in a conundrum. Beautifully maintained with well spaced pegs, all offering similar depths and features, and yet the fish all seem to want to live together in groups on a couple of pegs. Trouble is, you never know which pegs they will be on the day. If you are on them then hold on to your pole, but if you're not, then a reasonable weight section win is the best you can hope for. The recent introduction of some stockie F1s appears to bode well for the future though, as they showed up on a lot of pegs throughout the lake.
Despite the weather forecast of 'severe gales and rain' for the afternoon, Jamie Prickup (no, I've spelt that right) decided a six hour match was the order of the day. With the whole lake booked we were well spread out which meant a lot of fish-filled pegs were left out (Dohhhh!)
1st place went to Jamie himself (god help us) with 86lb 12oz of mainly bread dobbed carp from a normally average peg. Well done son, but don't get cocky. Even a blind squirrel, etc etc.
Second was the pensioner's favourite bus driver, Mr Neil Paterson with 78lb 14oz. He smiled so much at the end, that it could be counted as what he would call 'exercise'. Sections went to Gary Brislen, who stopped cracking jokes long enough to amass 23lb, and your humble narrator who scratched together 29lb dead.
With the last hour of the match fished in torrential rain, and gale force wind, I'd like to thank Jamie for making sure we didn't miss it by being on our way home by the time the storm hit FFS!!!!!!

Thanks to Sumo for his efforts.
By the way, Bucko was 3rd with 33lb

LATHOMS No 1, 5/3/16 ~ Sumo walk helps The Gnome succeed

When Nasty Nick announced he had caught 40 f1s in snow, sleet and cold rain while practising on Friday, things looked good for this match. A quick snow flurry prior to kick off did nothing to discourage anyone, and by the all-in it was glorious sunshine for everyone except a couple pegged under the Leylandii at the far end. It didn't quite start off in spectacular fashion as the early stages proved a little tough. Those that got quick fish, feeling encouraged, generally proceeded to overfeed their pegs very easily. As the day wore on, however, the fishing improved, and most ended with respectable weights.
One who didn't make the end, again, was John Edwards. Yozzer was pegged next door and started the psychology even before the start. After an hour, Sumo's head was battered, and after another hour, talk turned to an early dart. John gave it another fruitless hour and then had a bite. Fish on and so was the comeback! Alas, just before the landing net, the hook pulled and left Sumo totally deflated. Ten minutes later, and all his gear was in the car, and he was gone.
The Gnome took full advantage of the empty space. Having caught a few in a steady start, F1s started coming with greater regularity, and by the end he had amassed 46lb 09oz, enough for first place.
Entertainments Manager and Club Comedian Gary Brislen had everyone laughing as he tried telling them he hadn't done too well. He certainly did enough to take the silver medal, with a decent return of 33lb 01oz. So well done Gary.
More frivolity was guaranteed on the way home as Gary's travelling partner Neil Paterson completed the podium. Another one to feel the benefit of the Tunnel Barn boot camp, having just returned from a 3 day stint at the F1 mecca, Pato finished with a magnificent 30lb 12oz. Having been on dodgy pegs every week for the last 4 years, Neil finally drew an end peg flier and boy, did he make the most of it. Bring on the next Fisho qualifier.
Supplementing recent Cunneries success, Steve Cookie Monster again demonstrated a modicum of angling prowess, with a well earned section win. Two visits to the powder room and a run round the lake to provide Bovril to the needy (that means everybody), and he still had time to put 22lb 07oz in the net. "My name is Steve Ringpiece, welcome to skills school." We might have to start taking him seriously............... errr not!

LINGMERE, 14/2/16 ~ On bottom, off bottom, Lee ends up on top

An overnight frost and a rare Easterly wind put the fish down at Lingmere this time. Some had a few early fish and then struggled, while the early strugglers came good at the end. Then again, a couple went missing before the end, notably The Gnome. He did "the walk" with 90 minutes remaining.
With 21 lining the banks a couple of pegs were put on the bottom lake. Lee Pickup took full advantage and, fished the waggler a foot off bottom for the most part. A superb display, sadly, was witnessed be so few, but meant that he ended up a runaway winner with a great weight of 42lb 02oz.
On the top lake, grueller doesn't seem appropriate, it wasn't even that good. Earning the accolade of first loser was John Edwards. Sumo was out of my view (thank God) but apparently, coasting to victory, he forgot about the bottom lake, and let victory slip from his grasp. Still, his 27lb 02oz kept him out of the Caernarvon and earned an envelope and some admiration from the 'clubbies'. Well done John.
Another Edwards filled the podium, with Dave (the good looking one) again pulling a good un out of the bag, to hoots of derision from the packed café. He made good use though, and 24lb 14oz ran Sumo close but not close enough. Another good effort Dave.
Dennis Jones was one of the early strugglers, but a switch late on to the tip brought section glory. The newly christened Ginger Pygmy ended with 16lb 05oz.
Last week's hero Nasty Nick Harrop hurled insults for 4 hours and then he copied Dennis' decision to chuck it and chance it. Section success again, this time with 11lb 09oz.
Having won money on the last three outing with minimal weights, Johnny Rogers had to fish his socks off this week for the financial reward. He needed an amazing 11lb 04oz for glory.
More tip chucking, interlinked with the odd venture on the pole, gave The Wriggler the final section. Derek kept the odd fish coming throughout the match to record a decent 15lb 13oz and a well earned envelope.
Congratulations to all who completed the course and especially the money winners.

CUNNERIES, 7/2/16 ~ Rs wipes the smile off everyone's face

After some decent performances and some duff ones on Saturday, the Wirral Raiders WhatsApp group had set standards at both ends of the spectrum for Eggy lads to match or better. Of course we had the worst of it following persistent rain and low overnight temperatures. Hence the poor showing from the Pickup boys. Both matched the low end standard as they left early so catched nuttin.
At the other end, following an intense training camp at Tunnel Barn in mid-week, Nick Harrop, maggot maestro and tormentor of F1s, scored a runaway win. A magnificent demonstration of angling prowess saw Nasty bring 41lb 09oz to the scales. Let this be a lesson to you all. It's your bait that he beat you with, having collected "old" bait after every match for the last God knows how long. Fermented maggot and sweaty caster proved a winner this time. Well done Nick.
One of the chief bait donators is The Wriggler. His generosity proved unwise on this occasion as he was a clear second with another decent weight on the day. 29lb 07oz gave Derek some much needed bait money and, as the other half of the Leasowe Gentry was also in the money, it was a happy ride home. Andy Lawton put together a late run of F1s to clinch section glory with his 15lb 11oz return. Good performances from both.
Finally making the frame after about 50 attempts was The Cookie Monster (he's my cousin you know). His 18lb 05oz catch put him on the podium, and also inched Yozzer off it. 18lb 04oz was only sufficient for section honours so congratulations to Steve, about time too!
The final section again went to John Rogers, and amazingly it was with another embarrassingly low weight. After collecting with 4lb  and 5lb in the last couple of outings, 3lb 08oz was enough to do the business this time. Good lad for sticking it out though. You could endure the full course on Ninja Warrior I suspect Bucko. 

LINGMERE, 31/1/16 ~ Super Spadge earns Sumo submission

How many times do you turn up at Lingmere, take a look at the lake, and think..... conditions might be ok today. Then, as soon as some idiot shouts "all in", the wind instantly picks up and spoils pre-match plans.
This week, those plans included a 'How do I beat Sumo, who's on peg 20 and has brought the awesome Jigga rig with him?' strategy.
Pegged next door, Dave Lynch formulated a plan  and then executed it perfectly. It went something like this: Offer John a £2 side bet, start catching from the off, then after 2 hours tell him the Caernarvon is open. Sumo duly packs up, hands over the sovereign and toddles off to the pub...... job done. Spadger ended up with a respectable 39lb 14oz, good enough for victory, so well done Dave.
Taking conditions into consideration, Lee Pickup decided upon a 'tip only' plan. After an hour he was on the short pole and bagging??? A cheeky 35lb 12oz eased him into second place. Nice one Lee, good plan.
While 3/4 of the field couldn't fish comfortably at 5 metres, Col Cook somehow managed to wield 19 metres for the entire match, and was rewarded with a bronze medal, 30lb 05oz being enough for a deserved podium spot. Well done you Crazy Fool.
Reflecting the differing conditions in different areas of the lake, section winners were as follows: Dirk Wriggler 23lb 12oz, Dennis Jones 24lb 14oz, John Rogers genuinely had F A (well 5lb 09oz is near enough), Dave Harrop 10lb 11oz, and Tony Wilson, away from his beloved peg 31, still managed 29lb 12oz.Well done to everyone on a difficult day.

LATHOMS No1, 17/1/16 ~ Blankety Blank Cheque book and pen anyone?

Winter has well and truly arrived. While keeping the aerators working produces an ice-free lake to fish, it also makes the water unnaturally cold and puts the fish off feeding. It happened this week. With 18 members starting this match, little did we realise how many cheque books and pens would be needed. Eleven DNWs, and half of those CFAd  (catched fook all).
Still, the verbals flew round the lake as usual. No jigga, no fish for Sumo. No peg 31 Lingmere, no fish for Tony. Seems only Pato kept up his usual standards. Unfortunately for Neil, Buck Rogers managed 3 fish to his 2 and won the section with a level 4lb.
The Garden Gnome found 13 F1s to weigh 17lb 10oz and won comfortably.
Nasty Nick Harrop practiced the venue on Friday and the effort paid off as he produced 5 fish for 9lb 01oz to grab the runner-up berth. Well done, Nice boy.
Third place went to Jamie Pickup. Ingenuity triumphed! Jambo filled it in with a pint of casters at 13metres. This frightened all the fish in the area onto his short 5 metre line. 8 fish for 8lb 06oz was the result. Must bear that one in mind for the future.
It seems that if you caught, you picked up. Steve Cookie Monster had an F1 weighing 2lb 02oz, while Lee Pickup had one of 14oz. Both were section winners, so good stuff for sticking it out until the end.
Despite a bitterly cold day with nothing to get excited about on the fishing front, everyone was still in reasonable spirits at the end, and the camaraderie shone throughout the contest. Well done to all for that.

LINGMERE, 10/1/16 ~ King Edwards makes everyone look like a spud!

I've done a lot of moaning about wind and rain of late, but the real winter finally arrived on Sunday. No rain, but a stiff breeze which cut right through you. Boy it was cold. It didn't affect the fishing though, as 2 thirds of the field went into the next round of the 20lb challenge at the first time of asking.
Newbie Dave Edwards proved that his 3rd place over Xmas was not a fluke, as he caught all day on maggot and amassed a brilliant total of 71lb.That made him king for the day putting him well clear and dispelling the theory that the 'Edwards' name is synonymous with muppet. Well done Dave.
Having said that, John Edwards excelled again, this time as a section winner with 24lb 01oz. Following some pre-match banter when he talked about being a big fish in a small pond, he shall now be called Nemo.... a small fish in a very small tank!
Jamie Pickup watched Dave getting one a bung for the first hour before taking a different approach, similar to the winner. This propelled him from also-ran to runner-up as he put a top quality net together which went to 47lb 12oz at the scales. Great effort from Jbay.
In 3rd place, putting on another good show, was Tony Wilson (he's nearly as famous as the man off the telly). A fine 42lb 02oz got Tony in the money. I wonder if he can do it off other pegs as well as 31 ? He seems to draw there on every match. Time will tell.
Les Thompson put in a sparkling display to get section glory with an impressive 36lb 05oz, while Chris Roe demonstrated the power of Maver poles by throwing 16m about for the most part, and putting an equally hard earned 36lb 11oz in the bucket.
Andy Lawton put the silver salver down long enough to catch 22lb 12oz, and earn section money too. The butler did well from peg 11, which normally brings a moan or two when it's in the drawbag.