****GUEST BLOG**** Cunneries and Lloyds, Badger..... by Sumo

As I've not been around for a couple of weeks, John has kindly agreed to keep you all informed as to the events of the latest matches.

Lingmere. 13/3/16
1 Paul Cargill 38lb 05oz
2 Buck Rogers 35lb 01oz
3 Lee Pickup 31lb 11oz
Section winners: Dave Edwards, Derek Warren, Dennis Jones, Harry Simpson


Cunneries, 20/3/16
Things boded well for our 19 intrepid travellers, with recent good weather, and the promise of spring in the light warm(ish) wind. The elderly amongst us have more experience of this unsettled time of year and know what a kick in the balls it can give you, especially with a full moon shining down through clear skies the night before.
The day started with embarrassment for the Cookie Monster (AKA as George Clooney following the acid attack and a good kicking in the face). He turned up in his Vauxhall Airport Taxi and parked like a twat, taking up 4 normal spaces. After a quiet word from the fishery owner, along the lines of "park that piece of shit properly dickhead" he obliged and we went into the café and enjoyed the usual full breakfast and pre-match banter / delusional dreams.
Now here's a funny thing, I won the lowest weight section with 9lb 14oz and from what I could see from my peg, the place had fished crap. I even held that same opinion having followed the scales around. Looking back at the results as I write this, the place actually fished very well, with the usual couple of (supposed) flyers doing the business but over 425lb of fish being caught. OK they were 'balled up' on some pegs but that's the same with most fisheries at the moment.
Winner overall was Dennis (fuck off, I AM standing up) Jones, with a brilliant 64lb 12oz. I would like to tell you how he caught that much, but I didn't know I was going to have to write this up, so I didn't interview him at the end. I'm sure some hooks and bait were involved somewhere though.
Second overall was Tony Wilson (no, not that sad git from the Hacienda / Granada TV) with 58-14. A great weight on the day.
Third went to Les (the Munchkin) Thompson with 45lb 08oz. A truly outstanding performance from Dorothy's friend.
Other sections went to Fuck All Rogers, who for once told the truth, weighing in 13lb 02oz, and Andy Lawton, who stopped polishing Dirk's silverware long enough to catch a well deserved 26lb 01oz.

**BINGO!! Despite Sumo's memory loss, I notice on the results sheet that Phil House won his first section with the club and his magnificent 31lb 06oz was enough to get into the 20lb challenge too. Well done Housey.

Lloyds, Badger, 27/3/16
This place really is an enigma wrapped up in a conundrum. Beautifully maintained with well spaced pegs, all offering similar depths and features, and yet the fish all seem to want to live together in groups on a couple of pegs. Trouble is, you never know which pegs they will be on the day. If you are on them then hold on to your pole, but if you're not, then a reasonable weight section win is the best you can hope for. The recent introduction of some stockie F1s appears to bode well for the future though, as they showed up on a lot of pegs throughout the lake.
Despite the weather forecast of 'severe gales and rain' for the afternoon, Jamie Prickup (no, I've spelt that right) decided a six hour match was the order of the day. With the whole lake booked we were well spread out which meant a lot of fish-filled pegs were left out (Dohhhh!)
1st place went to Jamie himself (god help us) with 86lb 12oz of mainly bread dobbed carp from a normally average peg. Well done son, but don't get cocky. Even a blind squirrel, etc etc.
Second was the pensioner's favourite bus driver, Mr Neil Paterson with 78lb 14oz. He smiled so much at the end, that it could be counted as what he would call 'exercise'. Sections went to Gary Brislen, who stopped cracking jokes long enough to amass 23lb, and your humble narrator who scratched together 29lb dead.
With the last hour of the match fished in torrential rain, and gale force wind, I'd like to thank Jamie for making sure we didn't miss it by being on our way home by the time the storm hit FFS!!!!!!

Thanks to Sumo for his efforts.
By the way, Bucko was 3rd with 33lb